Becoming a Whole Instead of a Half: Archive

iamthepizzaslut:

one time when i had just started dating, a boy came to our door to take me out on a date and my stepdad opened the door with a machete like “WHATCHYA WAN BOI” and i never heard from him again which sounds dramatic but my stepdad looks like

GUYS STOP THIS ONLY HAS A LITTLE OVER 100 NOTES BUT HE THINKS HE’S INTERNET FAMOUS NOW

Jun 16, 201375,057 notes

enimrac01:

knifefarty:

iwonthellamaatthefayre:

wibblywobblyuniverse:

knifefarty:

if i had the power to control time i would probably just use it to sleep more

if you stopped it in a test
at the last minute
just wandered off, brought your notes in, finished it correctly and put them back
that would be a good idea too

If you could stop time you wouldn’t do tests you could just take stuff from shops and live off that

no thats illegal

Jun 16, 2013108,276 notes

Jun 16, 201338,629 notes

floozys:

i’m really sick of the phrase “find yourself”

you don’t find yourself

you make yourself

you’re a blank canvas

don’t waste your time looking for blank canvases

when you’ve had a paint brush in your hand the whole time

you can be anything you want to be

you don’t need to find yourself

you already have yourself

now paint

Jun 16, 201317,953 notes

megnesiums:

Let’s play ‘were those fireworks or did someone on my street just get shot’

Jun 16, 2013117,263 notes

One Size Fits All

(A man comes to the counter and places two dresses on the counter: one sized XS and one sized XXL.)
Me: “Are these dresses both for the same woman?”
Customer: “Yes.”
Me: “Oh, okay. These are both very different sizes, so they are not likely to fit the same person. What size does she usually take?”
Customer: “Um… I’m not sure.”
Manager: “Well, does she look more like me or more like her?”
(Note: my manager is quite small, and I am quite big.)
Customer: “Um… uh… I’m sure these will be fine.”
Me: “Sir, because the price is marked down on these dresses they will be Final Sale, so you will not be able to return them if they are not the right size. Are you sure we can’t help you?”
(The customer looks around furtively, then leans in close so that only my manager and I can hear what he is saying.)
Customer: “These dresses are for me, actually.”
(My manager looks at me, and I at her, and then she turns to the customer and speaks a very matter of fact voice.)
Manager: “Why don’t you go try them on, then?”
Customer: “Really? Would that be okay with you?”
Manager: “Of course! Let me get you started with a fitting room.”
(I spend the next hour bringing this man dresses to try on and he had a lovely time! He introduced himself to me and thanked us profusely for being so understanding and helpful. He left with four dresses, all of which fit him to a tee, and he came back regularly after that.)

Jun 16, 201354,693 notes

there are always 3 types of sims gamers:

benevolent god: okay i'm gonna set everything up really nice and make sure everyone is comfortable and then i'll zoom right in and watch carefully oops is your hunger bar getting low don't worry shh i have that taken care of i have a cheat shhh it's okay keep painting that weird purple thing i love you
distant god: i'll set your life in motion but then i'm gonna pull back and let you do your thing maybe i'll wander the town a bit i'm sure you'll be fine
loki: OOPS WHERE'D THAT DOOR GO I GUESS YOU'RE TRAPPED AND OH NO DID THE POOL LADDER DISAPPEAR I WONDER HOW LONG YOU CAN SWIM FOR HAHAHAHA FUCK YOU MORTAL

Jun 14, 201384,805 notes

Jun 14, 201331,728 notes

Jun 14, 20134,244 notes

Jun 14, 201312,225 notes

Reblog this and add a 'Ha!'

thearchangeltrickster: